


Brother Mine

by TwoBoys2Love



Series: The Brothers [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester UST, Frottage, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 12:28:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8845024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoBoys2Love/pseuds/TwoBoys2Love
Summary: An angsty sequel to “Brothers” in which Sam wants to talk to his brother about the night before. Handjob, lots of confused!Dean :D





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks Fiercelynormal for the beta  
> written for imaginecoolname on LJ

When Dean woke up, he groaned. He hated sleeping in his clothes. Not that he hadn't done it before in a thousand more uncomfortable places. When he tried to lift his arm, he couldn’t feel it. He rubbed his eyes with his other hand and looked to the side to find Sam staring at him. 

_Ah. Yes._

“Creepy much, Sam?” Perhaps not the best thing to say after the night they’d had. The thing about sleeping was that you could forget until everything came crashing down on you like a ton of bricks when you opened your eyes. _Oh yeah. I told Sam I wanted him and then we kissed._

Fuck.

Dean tugged his arm free from under Sam’s head and it flopped lifelessly across his chest. “Numb.”

“Sorry.” Sam rolled onto his back and rubbed both hands over his face a few times.

It wasn’t the first times Dean had woken with a dead limb because of his brother but it was the first time in a _lot_ of years. “How’s your hangover?”

“I’ve had worse,” Sam muttered.

Dean thought his brother looked a little green around the gills; probably best not to mention it. “You remember anything?”

“I remember everything,” Sam said as he stared at the ceiling.

“Ah.” Of course, Sam would remember everything because Dean could never catch a break. He should have known that Sam would be fine; not remembering the night before was more Dean’s shtick.

“You said we’d talk this morning,” Sam said in a low voice.

Memory like an elephant. And every damned time Dean thought that, he wondered how the hell anyone knew that elephants had good memories.

Instead of saying anything that he knew would get him in deep shit, Dean wrestled his way out from under the tangled bed clothes. and sat on the edge of the bed. He ran his hand back and forth over his hair. “I need a shower.”

“Right.”

Sam could say one word sometimes, and there could be a hell of a lot stuffed inside it. This was definitely one of those times. “Sam? I just want a shower. I’m not sayin’ I won’t talk, okay?”

When Sam stayed silent, Dean turned and looked down at him. “I _will_ talk, okay?”

After a few heartbeats, Sam nodded without looking at his brother. “Okay.”

Relief flooded over Dean. At least he could have a few peaceful moments to try and figure out what the _hell_ he was going to say.

~~~~~~~

By the time, Dean emerged from the bathroom in a giant cloud of steam, Sam was already dressed in clean clothes.

Dean padded over to his bag and pulled out a shirt and jeans. He’d never even thought twice about the fact that they dressed in front of each other all the time. At least, he’d never thought about it until that very moment.

Dean tightened the towel around his hips and pulled his t-shirt on quickly. His chest was still damp and the t-shirt stuck before he wrestled it down. _God_. He just had to act as though everything was normal and he was failing at it completely. “You wanna get breakfast?”

All Sam did was look down at his boots.

“Big, greasy breakfast is the best thing for a hangover,” Dean said with a smile on his face.

He took a deep breath and pulled the towel off so that he could tug on his jeans. When they were done up he sat down on the end of his bed and pulled one foot up so he could tug a sock on.

“I want to talk.”

“Before I even have a coffee? You’re a cruel man, Sam.”

“Dean-”

“Let’s just go to the diner first, get breakfast and some coffee. We can go for a drive and talk.”

Sam shook his head slowly but it looked more like disappointment than refusal. His hands were clenched together so tightly all the tendons in his wrists stood out.

It had been a long time since Dean had seen his brother look so tense.

“Sammy?”

When Sam looked up, his eyes were wide and he looked a little pale. There was a twitch under his left eye and he rubbed at it.

Sam had _every_ reason in the world to think that Dean would try to find a way to avoid talking about what happened. That was the kind of thing that Dean did whenever possible.

The look on Sam’s face made Dean’s chest feel tight. He walked over to where Sam was sitting, hesitated for a few moments, and then reached out to slide his hand over Sam’s shoulder. He squeezed and waited until his brother looked up at him.

“Sam? I promise. We. I need to make good on this. I _need_ to talk to you about the things I said last night.”

The expression on Sam’s face softened a little and his shoulders relaxed. After the longest time; Sam finally nodded.

Dean smiled, feeling a bit awkward. He patted his brother’s shoulder then headed back to his bed to put his boots on.

~~~~~~~

For most of their breakfast, Sam was silent and Dean was uncomfortable. He knew his brother well enough to know that there was a lot going on in his head. The quieter Sam was, the more knotted up he was on the inside. It was a hard and fast rule.

Dean ate as fast as he could, then made sure that he was as caffeinated as he could manage. He would need all the strength he could get to talk to Sam. Given the subject matter, Dean was glad there was a bottle of whisky in the trunk of the car.

But, a promise was a promise.

Sam didn’t seem all that hungry so as soon as Dean paid, they headed back to the car.

Dean felt a little better once they were on the road. It was where his heartbeat steadied and his worries were silenced. It had always been that way for him but he knew it was less so for Sam.

Strange. They were so alike in some ways and completely different in others. Hell, there had been times when Dean had wondered if Sam was adopted. That could never be the truth though, because when Dean looked at his brother sometimes, their mother’s eyes looked back at him.

Before he’d left the diner, Dean had asked the waitress if there was a lake nearby. The locals always knew where the good places were. It took a while to get there but Dean knew he’d picked a good place when they finally pulled off the road by the beach. Sam looked up and his expression softened when he saw the lake stretched out in front of them. He climbed out of the car without saying a word.

“You’re welcome,” Dean muttered to the steering wheel. The door creaked when he opened it and his boots crunched on the rocky beach he joined Sam on the hood of the car.

“You ever wonder how many times you and I have sat here together?” Dean asked as he smoothed his hand over the dark paint on the hood.

“Hundreds,” Sam answered quietly.

“We’ve had some of the best talks here,” Dean said. he could remember a lot of them. Hell, he could remember Sam at so many different ages, sitting there at his side.

Sam nodded and looked down at the rocky beach. “I love the water.”

“You always did.” Dean knew his brother better than anyone else in the world.

“Dean, about last night.”

“Okay,” Dean said. He’d put it off long enough. From that point on, it would only get more difficult.

When Sam looked up, he fixed his gaze on his brother’s face. His hair was being moved by the gentle breeze that was coming off the water.

“You were right,” Dean began. “Things changed for me, for us, when you were around sixteen.” It was a lot harder than Dean thought to get all the words out. “ _Fuck_.”

“What?” Sam’s brow furrowed.

Dean swallowed around the lump that had appeared in his throat. “I just never thought. I _never_ thought this would be something I would actually say out loud.”

Staring for a while, Sam finally smiled slightly. “It’s not gonna change anything for me.”

“It’s gonna change the whole fucking world for me.” The truth was that Dean didn’t even know who _he_ would be after the words were all out there.

Sam nodded once and looked out over the water again. “I know.”

A deep breath settled Dean’s nerves a little, at least, enough to get the words moving again. “I loved you from the very first second I saw you. Mom brought you home from the hospital and you were so small Mom made me sit on the couch with my legs out in front of me. She put the pillows on either side of me and then set you in my lap.”

Sam’s smile warmed as it always did when Dean talked about their Mom. After all, Sam’s only memories of his Mom were from Dean’s stories and a small pile of photos he didn’t think Dean knew were in his shaving kit.

Dean rubbed his hands on his jeans. “You looked up at me, I swear. Babies aren’t supposed to be able to see stuff when they’re just born. But, you looked up at me just like you _knew_ I was your brother and you couldn’t be anywhere that would ever be safer than in my arms.”

“You’ve always taken care of me,” Sam said gruffly.

“Not always, but I tried. Could have made some different decisions.”

“It’s all good.” Sam averted his gaze and it looked like he wiped his eyes.

“When you were about sixteen you started to look more like a man than a kid. One summer, I remember staring at you while you were lying on the beach. A beach just like this one, but it was hot and you were getting a tan. You were getting muscles and looking so much older.” In Dean’s mind, it was like it had just happened the day before. He could remember exactly the way Sam had looked.

“I felt this ache in my chest and …” Dean cleared his throat. “I knew the way that I felt was … it was fucked up. It was wrong.” For a while, Dean couldn’t say anything else.

“Dean, the way we grew up. Nothing we did was normal or ordinary.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that no brother should feel the way that I do.” Guilt was a familiar feeling for Dean. He’d learned how to package away the guilt and just keep it there in the center of his chest.

“We always get through everything, Dean. No matter what’s thrown at us, we figure it out.” Sam took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “When you. When you withdrew from me, it was like a piece of my heart was ripped out. And, I didn’t even understand it.”

“Sam, I’m sorry. I - I made the choice that I thought was right. How else was I supposed to deal with being so fucked up?” It pissed Dean off that Sam didn’t seem to get how messed up Dean’s brain had to be.

They were quiet for a while and then Sam turned to sit sideways so he could look right into Dean’s eyes. “I need you now, just like I needed you then.”

“I’m not goin’ anywhere,” Dean said quietly. He couldn’t look at Sam and squinted as he stared out over the lake. His chest ached like he was having a goddamned heart attack but he knew it was just hurt. It was hurt for Sam, for himself, and hurt because he felt trapped and didn’t know what to do. It felt like too much time had passed for Dean to fix anything.

“That kiss-”

“-I think. It shouldn’t happen again.”

“Can you just let me talk?” Sam snapped.

Dean recoiled ever so slightly and nodded without looking at Sam.

“Sorry,” Sam muttered. “I just. I feel like you’re gonna be so busy trying to be the big brother that you’re not going to hear what I’m saying.”

Even though he didn't like to admit it, what Sam was saying made sense. There were times when Dean just didn't’ want to waste time listening when he felt like he knew what was right for Sam. Sometimes, he wished that Sam would listen but this wasn't one of those times.

“The kiss. I need you to understand that it, it made everything feel _right_.”

When Dean looked up, he could see a warmth in Sam’s gaze that he hadn’t seen in a long time. The pain in Dean’s chest dissipated a little.

Sam sniffed, rubbed his chin with the back of his hand and looked back at out at the water. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did. And you were right. I _was_ happy with Jess. But, it was a different kind of happy.”

“Different, how?” As far as Dean could tell there was _happy_ and _unhappy_ and not a hell of a lot in between.

It took a deep breath for Sam to speak again. He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and hunched his shoulders up as though he was a little cold. “I was so pissed off at Dad. I couldn’t understand the way he thought about things. But more than that, as time went by and I didn’t hear from you it was like this fire burning in the pit of my stomach, I didn’t know whether to be angry or miserable or hurt or what the fuck.”

“Sammy. I’m sorry. I _really_ thought. I thought you’d be better off away from me.” At the time, everything had seemed so straightforward. The feelings that Dean had developed for his brother had forced his hand. He had _needed_ to put some distance between them no matter how much it hurt. It was the only thing he could even focus on.

“I know, Dean. I mean, I get why you thought it was wrong. It’s what the whole world would say, right?”

Dean nodded. It was a bit of a relief that Sam could at least see where Dean was coming from.

“The thing is,” Sam began again. “You and I; we’re not like anyone else. We never have been and we have never lived by the same rules.”

It was true. Sometimes, Dean marveled at how messed up their lives were.

Sam’s gaze found his brother's again. “I don’t think I even understood all the feelings I’ve had - maybe not even until last night.”

 _Last night._ It was all etched in Dean’s mind and would be forever. _Jesus_ , that kiss, brief as it was had filed Dean’s chest with the most bizarre mixture of shame and pleasure.

For some reason, Dean’s throat began to feel tight and achy, his eyes stung and he closed them for a few moments. “I really wanted you to be happy. Free of me, and happy.”

“I am happier sitting here with you than anywhere else in the whole stupid world,” Sam said gruffly.

For the first time since they’d arrived, Dean allowed himself a smile. “Except maybe a computer store?”

Sam returned the smile. “Nah, that’s just a really close second.”

“Now what?” Dean said after they were quiet for a while.

“You can’t take it back,” Sam said quickly.

The fierceness in Sam’s gaze was a little shocking. “I know I can’t.”

“You can’t let me have _that_ and then snatch it away.”

“Sam-”

Sam shook his head and shifted closer. He pulled his hands free so that he could grab the front of his brother’s jacket.

They stared at each other for a while. Dean could feel his heart banging away as he looked from Sam’s eyes to his lips and then back again.

The wind toyed with Sam’s hair and Dean smiled. It reminded him of when they were younger. There were great memories filed away in Dean’s mind of Sam when he was a kid, when he was happier.

“What are you thinking about?” Sam asked.

“You.”

Sam’s lips curled into the slightest smile. “That’s a good start.”

 _Start._ It was the most positive thing that Sam had said to him in ages. “Okay, then.”

“So, it’s good then, right?”

What could Dean say when it came to a question like that from Sam? It had always been Dean’s downfall; he would do anything for Sam. Very slowly, and deliberately, Dean nodded. “You gonna let go of me now?”

All Sam did was shake his head and tighten his grip on his brother’s jacket.

“Okay.” The spark of ferocity was still in Sam’s gaze and Dean liked it. It made him feel … everything. He was pretty sure he hadn’t felt quite so many things all at once before. Dean had an entirely new understanding of the word _overwhelming_.

“You alright, Dean?” Brow furrowed, Sam tilted his head slightly. 

“Yeah,” Dean said quickly. “It’s just a lot.” Understatement of Dean’s life.

“It’s not bad though,” Sam said a little less confidently.

Dean swallowed and discovered there was a huge lump still in his throat. “There’s a lot. I mean. It’s been years that I’ve tried to keep _this_ part of me away from you. Now, here you are, asking for me to just …” Dean shrugged.

Nodding once, Sam looked down finally and let go of Dean’s jacket so he could press both hands to Dean’s chest. “You’re all I need. If things can’t change then - okay. If they can change, then even better.”

Dean’s head was spinning. Looking back, he couldn't understand how they’d gotten where they were. He’d never had the slightest hint that Sam had feelings for him. If Dean had ever thought that, _fuck_ ; his life would have been different. At least, maybe, it would have been.

“You went quiet.”

Dean nodded, hesitated, then covered one of Sam’s hands with his own and pressed it tighter against his chest. “What happens if everything goes sideways and… I lose you.”

“I don’t want to be anywhere else. Or with anyone else. Things are different now; I’m different.”

When Dean looked into Sam’s eyes he could see that it was true. Sam was a different man. All the shit that Sam had been through had molded him into rougher shapes and sharper edges. His eyes were different too; they were deeper, full of the shadows of things Dean wished his little brother had never seen. Life _never_ should have given Sam such a beating. “I’ll never leave you, Sam.”

The thin lines around Sam’s eyes disappeared as he seemed to relax. His shoulders dropped slightly and he smiled.

Before Dean could say another word, Sam leaned into him and kissed him. It was gentle at first, different in the late-day sun and afternoon air.

With all the words out in the open, Dean had run out of excuses. Except that Sam was still his little brother.

Opening his mouth to protest got Dean an even deeper kiss. Fiery, pervasive pleasure ripped through Dean’s body and his hands hovered in the air just above Sam’s arms.

Sam kissed like his life depended on it, and maybe it did. Maybe, that was the part that Dean hadn’t understood.

Sam’s lips slid away from Dean’s then along his jaw until teeth nipped at Dean’s earlobe. “It’s okay,” Sam whispered.

The words turned Dean’s spine to liquid and he fell back onto the windshield. He groaned and let his arms fall out to the side.

Sam threw a leg over both of Dean’s and claimed his mouth again. His tongue teased its way into Dean’s mouth, slick and hot. A shiver ran down Dean’s body and he thumped his fists against the hood of the car.

 _God_. Sam was killing him. The weight of his brother’s body on his thighs made Dean feel _owned_. Then Sam slid a hand up into Dean’s hair, his nails carved into Den’s scalp as he grabbed a fistfull. His other hand shoved Dean’s jacket out of the way and pushed up under his t-shirt.

“Fuck,” Dean murmured against Sam’s wet lips.

A moan rattled free from Sam’s throat. He was breathing heavy and it felt like he was trembling. He pressed his forehead to Dean’s.

Dean gasped for air and tried to push himself up. The heat of Sam’s breath felt like it scalded Dean’s lips on each exhale.

The growl that Sam let out startled Dean. “God, Dean.”

Eyes wide, Dean peered up at the look on his brother’s face. It was about as close to panic as Dean had ever seen. He sucked in a shaky breath and tried to swallow again.

Sam grabbed at Dean’s jacket and shook him, lifted him right off the damn windshield then slammed him back down against it. A tear slid from the corner of his eye and trailed down his cheek.

With his brow furrowed, Dean just stared up at Sam. He shook his head slowly and shrugged; he had no idea what was going through Sam’s mind.

Sam tightened his grip on Dean’s jacket again. “Don’t do - don’t.”

“W-what?” Dean finally managed to get out.

“Don’t shut down,” Sam almost whispered. “Touch me, or tell me we can’t do this and that will be the end of it.” There was a fierce determination in his eyes as he stared into Dean’s eyes.

There was that line again, Sam had drawn it deep and clear. It was _right_ in front of Dean. All he had to do was step across it.

Dean pushed himself up until he had no choice but to wrap an arm around Sam’s waist to keep him from falling. Their lips were barely apart when Dean tilted his chin up to look into Sam’s eyes. He could smell the coffee on Sam’s breath, the cheap detergent they’d used at the laundromat and the not-so-cheap shampoo Sam always bought.

He finally managed to lift his free hand and he wiped the tear away with his thumb.

Sam’s grip finally loosened and he let his arms fall to his thighs.

Dean took a deep breath and slid his shaking fingers under the hem of Sam’s t-shirt. His little brother’s skin was hot, the small of his back damp with sweat.

But, the look on Sam’s face was what made Dean’s heart trip over itself. Sam’s eyes were closed, his mouth slack and his cheeks flushed. He looked perfect.

Dean pushed his hand further up Sam’s bare back and felt his own breath lock up in his chest.

As Dean watched, Sam’s teeth chased his tongue over his bottom lip. He bit down hard. But that was more of an invitation than anything else.

Something inside Dean gave way. He might never understand it, but he wasn’t going to miss an opportunity.

He moved quickly. He smacked a hand against Sam’s shoulder and shoved as he bent a knee and knocked Sam off balance. He flipped his brother onto the hood of the car and swung a leg over Sam’s hips.

Sam’s eyes were wide and he gasped in a breath before he clenched his jaw and tilted his head slightly. It _almost_ looked as though he thought Dean was going to punch him.

With his fingers on Sam’s cheek, Dean turned his brother’s head slightly until he could see into his eyes. His knee ached where he was kneeling on the peak of the hood.

Sam was a big guy, but Dean had the upper hand. From where he knelt, he could decide exactly what happened.

Moving very slowly, Dean straightened out his aching leg so he could lie against Sam’s side. He rested his cheek on his brother’s shoulder and slid his leg over both of Sam’s thighs. He pressed his hand against Sam’s abs and his thumb slipped under the soft cotton of his t-shirt.

There was a thump when Sam banged his boot against the hood underneath them.

“I’ve wanted this most of my life,” Dean murmured against his brother’s ear.

Gooseflesh appeared on Sam’s neck and he groaned as his entire body jolted like he’d been shocked. “Dean-”

“Shut up,” Dean growled. He was certain he couldn’t take any more talking. He’d chosen to step over the line and he didn’t want to be talked out of it. He didn’t want to hear Sam’s voice in case he changed his mind, in case either of them did. Dean could take a lot of things but he couldn’t take that.

With a trembling hand, Dean reached for Sam’s belt. He flipped the leather out of the buckle and then worked the button on Sam’s jeans free.

The rise and all of Sam’s chest sped up and his hips twisted a little. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something then closed it when Dean stared into his eyes again.

Hesitating only for a fraction of a heartbeat, Dean undid Sam’s zipper and pulled roughly on the denim. He lifted Sam’s hips slightly as he fought the jeans down lower on his brother’s hips.

The way Sam was panting, he looked like he was going to pass out. But, Dean couldn't look away from Sam’s flushed cheeks and dark eyes. He leaned in closer so that he could ghost his lips along Sam’s jaw. “I had to let you go. I had to. Because _this_ was all i could think about.”

Rolling his head slightly, Sam tried to catch his brother’s lips. He let out a frustrated groan when Dean kept just out of reach.

Then Dean slid his hand down the front of Sam’s boxers. The moment his palm found the hard flesh of Sam’s cock, Dean began shaking all over again. Sam wanted him.; it wasn’t a lie or a joke or any of the other things that Dean’s brain had tried to convince him of.

Sam struggled to push up off the car but Dean just rolled forward to settle more weight on his brother. He curled his fingers around Sam’s hardness and drew his hand up slowly only to slide it back down again.

A shudder rippled down Sam’s body and he arched up off the hood. Dean slipped his free hand under Sam’s head so he could grab a handful of his brother’s hair. The nape of Sam’s neck was already damp with sweat and Dean could feel tendons straining just below the surface of his brother’s skin.

He let his lips trail down Sam’s temple, along his cheek and back down his jaw. The entire time he breathed in the heated scent of his brother’s skin, he fisted Sam’s cock. His thumb swept through slick pre-come and Dean paused to rub it in.

“Fuck,” Sam hissed and threw his head back so hard he cracked Dean’s hand against the windshield.

Sam’s broad shoulders twisted as he tried to get closer to Dean. His fingers grabbed at the back of Dean’s jacket and he tried for Dean’s mouth again the fell back again in frustration.

That little-brother look of defiance was back on Sam’s face. He wetted his lips and pushed his hips up to meet the slide of Dean’s palm. His lashes fluttered closed and his nails scraped over the Impala’s paint.

Sam almost whimpered as Dean stroked faster. He pressed his own aching cock against Sam’s firm thigh and rocked his hips slowly.

“Dean. I can’t. Dean…” Sam let out a strangled cry and his body contorted as he sucked in a breath and held it. Dean felt the warm spread of come on his hand and finally leaned down to capture Sam’s lips.

At first, Sam’s mouth was slack and then Sam’s tongue pushed forward. He sighed into the kiss as though he’d finally gotten what he wanted. His hips jolted a few more times and then he reached up and gripped Dean’s shoulders. With their mouths crushed together, Dean rubbed against Sam’s leg until he couldn’t stand it.

When his orgasm crushed him, he groaned into Sam's mouth and then pulled back from the kiss. He could barely keep his eyes open through the hot waves of pleasure that were crashing over him.

He’d never dared to imagine he could feel what he was feeling and that Sam would be lying there under him.

Dean struggled to swallow then managed to get some air back into his lungs. He pulled his hand out from between their bodies slowly. His fingers were sticky and he wiped them on Sam’s jeans before cupping his brother’s cheek.

“You don’t get to go back from this,” Dean said gruffly.

“God, I won’t, I mean…” Sam looked wrung out and let his head fall back again.

“I _mean_ , you can’t, Sam.” It was the hardest truth that Dean had ever uttered. “I won’t - I won’t make it. I can’t.”

After a very long time, Sam nodded once.

Dean felt his shoulders relax slightly.

“You gonna actually kiss me while I fuck you” Sam looked a little amused.

“I was … I … wait. What?” Apprehension creeped back along Dean’s shoulders and he shook it off. “Clearly we need to talk again.”

Sam looked even more amused.

Rather than trying to come up with any more answers, Dean shrugged and leaned down to crush his lips again his brothers.

There weren’t any more questions from Sam for a long time.

~~~~~~~


End file.
